I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
