this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
