My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
should my penis look like a turkey
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
