apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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