My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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