Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
