I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
