My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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