Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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