wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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