Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
