i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
