Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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