have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
