Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
