he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
