I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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