so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
