So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
