why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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