and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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