I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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