I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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