Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
