He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
