Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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