I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Welp...herpes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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