More tranny stories later!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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