we made out on top of his cat.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
