im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
