Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize