Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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