This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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