i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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