You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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