I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love having hate sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize