So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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