you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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