His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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