If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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