I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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