No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
