My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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