Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
