Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
