I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
