another moral hangover. fuck.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize