Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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