yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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