On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
