I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
