Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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