I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
