Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
