I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
