I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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