Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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