I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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