Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
