You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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