if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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