I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
