so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
