Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
